My wife, Judy, brought home birthday cake on the 18th of September. It wasn’t either of our birthdays to celebrate. It was Jeanne Coverdale’s birthday, my first wife who died two years ago of very aggressive breast cancer just four days shy of her 60th birthday. That I am now happily married speaks volumes about both of these women who are so special to me.
I wager that most spouses would not celebrate the previous incumbent with cake and pleasant conversation about the good times we had. Then again, Judy is not most spouses. She is my beloved wife. God gifted me twice.
Jeanne was all about celebrating every day. She lived in the now, not the past. She planned for the future but did not live in it. Jeanne would always make time to visit with family and friends because she knew how quickly they may be gone.
Cancer is a violent disease. Witnessing its wicked assault on a cherished one would be unbearable if not for the grace of its victim in this case for me. Pillow talk with a dying spouse was both heaven and hell. Our conversations were about living in the present and the happiness we wanted for each other. And we grieved. We grieved a lot. But not over what we didn’t do because we did a lot together. We grieved about the physical devastation cancer wrought not only to Jeanne but to others we’ve loved. We grieved over the loss & loneliness family & friends & I would feel when Jeanne died. We also talked about my future. Jeanne advocated for a life for me with another. She knew I would be most happy in an intimate committed relationship because we enjoyed that together so much. Jeanne extracted a deathbed vow from me to do just that.
All of us who cherished Jeanne miss her. How could we not? My own jumbled-up feelings over her loss and my subsequent joy at a renewed life with Judy are often just that, jumbled-up, messy and even weird. The weirdest is how happy I am right now. No, I haven’t sorted out everything neatly. I am simply awash in the grace of these two women, Jeanne and Judy, and so many others in our lives who rejoice at the gifts we are to each other. Thanks to Judy, we can have our cake and can eat it, too.
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