My wife, Judy, brought home birthday cake on the 18th of September. It wasn’t either of our birthdays to celebrate. It was Jeanne Coverdale’s birthday, my first wife who died two years ago of very aggressive breast cancer just four days shy of her 60th birthday. That I am now happily married speaks volumes about both of these women who are so special to me.
I wager that most spouses would not celebrate the previous incumbent with cake and pleasant conversation about the good times we had. Then again, Judy is not most spouses. She is my beloved wife. God gifted me twice.
Jeanne was all about celebrating every day. She lived in the now, not the past. She planned for the future but did not live in it. Jeanne would always make time to visit with family and friends because she knew how quickly they may be gone.
Cancer is a violent disease. Witnessing its wicked assault on a cherished one would be unbearable if not for the grace of its victim in this case for me. Pillow talk with a dying spouse was both heaven and hell. Our conversations were about living in the present and the happiness we wanted for each other. And we grieved. We grieved a lot. But not over what we didn’t do because we did a lot together. We grieved about the physical devastation cancer wrought not only to Jeanne but to others we’ve loved. We grieved over the loss & loneliness family & friends & I would feel when Jeanne died. We also talked about my future. Jeanne advocated for a life for me with another. She knew I would be most happy in an intimate committed relationship because we enjoyed that together so much. Jeanne extracted a deathbed vow from me to do just that.
All of us who cherished Jeanne miss her. How could we not? My own jumbled-up feelings over her loss and my subsequent joy at a renewed life with Judy are often just that, jumbled-up, messy and even weird. The weirdest is how happy I am right now. No, I haven’t sorted out everything neatly. I am simply awash in the grace of these two women, Jeanne and Judy, and so many others in our lives who rejoice at the gifts we are to each other. Thanks to Judy, we can have our cake and can eat it, too.
mikesviewpointblog 
Your writing about the two special women in your life and your happiness touched us deeply. There are so many people who share the loss of Jeanne, but also share your great life with Judy. We know how Jeanne lived her life. So many good and loving things to remember.
We talked about Jeanne on the 18th of September, her birthday. In very loving memory.
Judy is the loving and caring person at your side and it’s special that she shares your feelings. What a great way.
We hope for all the people who suffer from cancer that there will be a good solution for them.
With love for you and Judy and a very happy future. From Mink en Regina
Mike, that was beautiful! Yes, you are very lucky to have had Jeanne and to now have Judy. Good job, Judy, for bringing home a birthday cake! God Bless
To love and be loved – how blessed this is when it happens…for some never experience this depth at all or perhaps once in a lifetime. Judy, you are a very special person. Your respect for the memory of Jeanne and the significance of her life with Mike are breathtaking. Wishing for you and Michael many happy memories and years.
You have been blessed —
Mike, Thanks so much for sharing. I love the hope and happiness I see with the two of you. What an inspiration you are to so many who have loved and lost.
My own husband of nineteen years passed away a year ago and I was lucky to find another who fills my life and shares great happiness again. thankyou for putting into words things I have felt but didn’t know how to express. I’ve struggled with that jumble of joy and sadness, mostly joy at still being able to love life and my new sweet companion when for a while I thought I’d never be happy again! Going on can have its challenges, but with love and support, it can be sweet again.
‘this is so tender and beautiful to read, I’ve always heard that if someone gets married a second time, it shows how much the first marriage was enjoyed and treasured. You two have both been blessed. Best wishes for a long future together!
This is so tender and beautiful to read, I’ve always heard that if someone gets married a second time, it shows how much the first marriage was enjoyed and treasured. You two have both been blessed. Best wishes for a long future together!
I’m speechless, touched and thrilled to read Mike’s Birthday cake story about two beautiful women Jeanne and Judy. Mike you deserve to have your cake and eat it too as this is a testimony to the love you shared / share with both Jeanne and Judy. I wish you and Judy all the very best.
love, Nancy